I have to tell you I live with no regrets but I sometimes second guess myself like I did on Monday. I broke up with the love of my life. He’s the one I wanna marry. He’s my rock; without him I can’t stand by myself. We weren’t getting along so we need time apart but this time apart is just eating away at me. I feel so lost, alone, scared to death there’s someone better than me. I can’t stand the hurt in my fragile heart. I’ve been hurt so many times before and now I hurt the man I love most. I will forever love him. I hope that we will end up getting married and having kids, but if not then life goes on. I always dwell in the past. If he finds someone better then I wasn’t the right one to begin with. I won’t have anyone else. It’s so much easier for a man to get over a woman than it is for a woman to get over a man. A man could go out to the bar he night of a break up and not have a care in the world while the woman sits on the sofa crying day after day. I just don’t understand how it all works and I’m living it, trying to figure it all out. You wonder what he does all day: Does he really love you as much as he did? Does he miss you? Does he care about you? How often does he think about you? Does he think about picking up the phone and calling? Does he just forget you? The questions take control and you start hurting all over again. My friends tell me things will get better. I hope I can trust them. I’m trying to hang in and hoping I’ll get a phone call wanting to work things out in a couple days or weeks. I can’t wait months, it’s too much hurt. If anyone reads this you are more than welcome to text me. Just having someone to talk to relieves the pain just a little bit. And if you read this, you know who you are…. Know that I love you with all my heart and you are the one I want to marry. I just needed my space. I hope you don’t listen to any of your friends in your decision. I will be waiting for a phone call….. With all my love.
Cannot believe it has been a year. I’ve waited for this day my whole life. You’ve been there by my side since day one. You’re the first man who truly respects me, takes care of me, and looks out for me. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you Justin, to infinity and beyond 💕 2.13.12.